11 Reasons Why Adopting a Dog is Smarter Than Looking For a Man

1. Your dog will always help you clean the dirty dishes.

2. You’ll never fall asleep without that familiar heartbeat beside you.

3. You’ll never meet a male who’s comfortable depending on you for so much, but would also rip another guy’s head off the second he looked at you the wrong way.

4. Your pup is capable of change. Helloooo Ivan Pavlov.

5. No matter how shitty your day was or pathetic some loser made you feel, you’ll remember a certain warm body impatiently waiting to be reunited with the best breathing being on this planet, as soon as you walk in the door.

6. They’ll never fail to make you smile, no matter how many rent checks you sacrificed for those new (now-destroyed) shoes!

7. Your pup will never give you reason to question his loyalty, even when partying with the other dawgs.

8. No matter how many people are in the room, you know there’s two eyes that see only you… (and the food on the coffee table, but you can’t take that personally).

9. No more beating around the bush. Your pup will walk right up to the bush, stick his face in it, piss on it and then proudly trot away. (This metaphor is applicable in all “walks” of your dog’s life.)

10. As soon as you call his name, the other pretty birds in the yard ain’t shit.

11. Your dog will teach you more than an ironically limited understanding of unconditional love.

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